this is the corner of the world where i tuck away all the little things that move my soul to tears
I walked passed the game of scrabble still unfolded on the table and couldn’t keep from shoving it, sending letters scattering across the floor. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Those letters were a parallel to my life that I couldn’t bear to face; once inside jokes and diction feats like pickles and oxymoronic… Now a scrabbled pile of meaningless sounds. Its not that I missed him, I just felt like a piece of me had broken off, like a shoulder bland or pinky toe, and had sailed away, leaving me unable to bend or balance. He was something I didn’t knew I was living on until he was not longer. his absence was nothing short of a lack of oxygen.
I had always been a believer in soul mates. Not the cheesy frolic though meadows and watch the sunset slip beneath the earth while whispering sweet nothings into each others skin type. Romantic goosh wasn’t my thing. That’s just it though, it didn’t have to be; because he was I and I was he. He knew I liked chunky peanut butter without asking… Because he did. And we shared the same finicky position on the mintyness of toothpaste. He knew I was sad just by the angle of my fingers resting against the kitchen counter one night. He could feel me, not just in the physical sense but me, as a person, as though he had the capability to reach his fingers into my chest cavity and touch the frayed edges of my soul.
Without him I was nothing, still a person but only a shell of one… But that’s better than being something.
I have my art and my twizzler obsession and my habit of rubbing my hands together when im nervous… Its just going to take a while to adjust to the fact that those things are no longer his; they are mine, they are me; slightly alone, cut loose, and more free than I’d ever been in my entire life.
i want a late night adventure. i want someone to call me up and say, “i’m outside. let’s go do something!” i want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. maybe drive around. go to a park and just swing on the swings. maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. i just want a late night adventure with people i like to be around. no drama. nothing but good vibes and good company.
“With this hand,
I will lift your sorrows.
Your cup will never empty,
For I will be your wine.
With this candle,
I will light your way in darkness.
With this ring,
I ask you to be mine.”
HELL. FREAKING. YES.